Grounds for Retirement

The lawn needs some attention to make it look just so
but I can’t do ‘owt about it when the lawnmower won’t go.
The dandelions are seeding and I didn’t see them flower
they said that gardens are for life not every bloomin’ hour.

The apple tree needs pruning but already it’s in leaf
I should have done it earlier but the missus gave me grief –
“I want a new pergola,” she said at lunch one day
with roses climbing up it but there’s not much I can pay.

I spent a fortnight scavenging from skips around the town
and brought home six-foot lengths of wood and painted them with brown
When I had got a dozen I began to dig the holes
and screwed on all the cross rails and uprighted the poles.

By the time I finished making it the hedges were all growing.
I retired to the greenhouse and began to set seeds sowing.
After emptying the packets it was time to thin the seeds
but you cannot see the flowers ‘cause of all the bloomin’ weeds.

When I retired after forty years at the mill
they said to take up gardening my leisure time to fill.
I wish I hadn’t listened when the got around to askin’
and twatted every bloomin’ one that said it was relaxin’.