I shall Stop Being Pleasant

Warning: When I am an Old Woman I shall Stop Being Pleasant

When I am an old woman, I shall stop being pleasant
and tell people that they nag, or smell, or wear too much make-up.
And I shall write critiques of books with honest passion
and use cliches and say “I’ve no time for pleasantries.’
I shall use a pseudonym and write scathing letters to the Times
and send penny stamps to the Department of Pensions
and demand my tax code in haiku
and my electric bill in a Fibbonaci sequence.
I shall insist on a text to speech synthesiser
and turn the volume to full and then say “What?”
and edit bibles.

You can put up chintz curtains that I shan’t look at
and I shall walk my dog in the rain
and give it my coat and stand shivering
with my nose pressed against the butcher’s.

But for the moment I shall smile
and tell the critics what they want to hear
and write to order what they want to read.
We must have people to the house and stop the dogs from barking.
But just for now I shall practice quietly
and be pleasant but honest when a chit of a girl says she loves me
and tell her to run away before she gets involved
and I show her the demons.
They won’t be too surprised
when suddenly I am old, and stop being pleasant.

In homage to “Warning - When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple” by Jenny Joseph

produced for the April 15th PAD challenge