Back When

Back When

living,

you said,

on an island

like we always fantasised

back when we were young

back when life was less complicated,

back when...

i was jealous

like you'd achieved something

ticked the ultimate life goal

finished the bucket list

(did you ever write a novel?)

and swam in the reservoir of life

while all I ever did

was muck about in the foetid pool

of other people's desires

wondering where my life went

and wanting my youth back.

the boat was small,

piloted by a fisherman with broken nets

who treated me like a mad woman

though happy to accept money

from hands lined with experience.

your island a speck on the horizon

growing larger with each minute

passed in mute silence

until I could recognise the ruin of a church

and a black flag flapping in the breeze

by a dilapidated jetty.

he wouldn't dock

or land on the shore

of a quarantined island

your friend's dead, he said, or soon will be

abandoned to typhoid

think yourself lucky.

and I remembered back when

your smile, your laugh

and your promise of forever

as I slipped from the boat

and swam to shore.