April Poems 2016/18

They don't like Lesbian 

Mrs Vordstone, with her canary yellow walls

and her husband's an architect, you know,

she only works here because she gets bored

and her salary provides a second holiday.

Have you seen the pictures of us on safari?

It was too hot, really. I wouldn't go again.

Not in the summer, anyway, and besides,

we're putting a conservatory on the back of the house.

Are you going anywhere nice, Tina?

Young, vivacious, fond of a bottle of red

when she leaves the office but won't date

anyone past eleven because her cat expects her home,

She calls her underwear 'pants' and flirts with the gay guy

who detests lesbians and won't give them the time of day.

He lives with a solicitor, goes to church on Sundays

and holidays, shows his knickers to his subordinates

and asks for coffee without sugar because he's sweet enough.

Isn't that right, Jo? Down to earth, comes from Dudley

where the pinnacle of achievement is to have your name

printed in the local rag as long as it's not in the convicted pages.

Her fiancée is a mechanic, which would be handy if she

ever agreed to introduce him but her yellow Clio

is always in good nick. Not like hers. They don't speak to her

except to ask about cases or to pass work on

because lets face it, she's faster than them and outstrips

even the manager in brains-per-square-hipster.

She pretends not to care, has a nervous breakdown

on her way to work but nobody sends a card.